I can’t believe how optimistic I am sometimes, to the point of being delusional. I believe and hope so hard, trusting that things will turn out alright, although not necessarily to my favor. Alright is just about enough for me. I don’t know how long this optimism lasts before I start feeling jaded again. I don’t want to go back to that place of disillusionment, hopelessness.
So, optimism with a tad bit of delusion will just have to work for me. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
The productive kind of crazy.
I plurked earlier that I haven’t slept all night. I spent it tossing and turning, thoughts racing in my head faster than my breath. My head started to hurt so much that I had to literally scream at myself to STOP THINKING! Obviously, it didn’t work and I got myself all worked up even more. It came to a point where at 5 AM, I was sitting in our living room, waiting for the sunrise, and begging myself (or my head) to go to sleep. It was THAT bad.
There are so many things to do, so many projects to attend to that I don’t even know where to begin! I’ll try to list them down by order of importance:
Launch of my dad’s Heart Foundation – December 5: The Department of Health, Dad’s hospital, colleagues and friends put up a heart fund for Mindanao’s indigents in his memory. I’m responsible for the AVP (and I haven’t even started shooting yet!), the website, media kits, press conferences, setting up the launch, and attend to gov’t officials and VIPs (smirk) and make their stay as comfortable as possible. This is what I actually do for a living (media and events) and it goes without saying that I’m doing this pro-bono. Not complaining here. I’m just overwhelmed with the tons of tasks.
My dad’s 1st year Death Anniversary – November 27: We haven’t had huge parties since dad died, but on this day we anticipate over 400 guests flocking the compound. My dad was fond of parties, alright, but he actually preferred hanging out with his staff (janitors, maintenance crew, admin) than his MD colleagues. He once said it is those little people who really matter to him, as they keep him grounded.
I’m opening a new coffee shop/café – end of December: I’m blessed to have a fairy godfather who fulfills my dreams. It was a long time coming, and quite unexpectedly, things turned to our favor. I will be signing the lease this week and construction should start by next week (IF I can find carpenters and painters at such short notice). My mind is racing as to which furniture to get, the color of the walls, the interiors, café operations and what not. I need to educate myself with coffee, too!
Get new accounts for my media company – this week: My business partner has been nagging to do heavy marketing for our company. I’ve neglected this one since the Swede arrived. I thought I’d recoup by December by the time he leaves so I can focus, but with the new developments of our family businesses, now is the time to refocus before it gets realllllyyy busy. The other day, I started buying those giveaway boxes that match our corporate look and prepare for Christmas favors to hand out to clients and media friends.
Write a month’s worth of articles for the paper – this weekend: My entertainment editor has been putting up with my late articles and quite often as of late, with no submissions at all. I’ve been feeling guilty because he’s the most cheerful editor one can ever have and he hardly gets angry, too. Now where the hell do I squeeze in my writing time?!
Plurk, or lose my nirvana status – SOON
I’ve always been guilty of this habit of biting more than I can chew, and these series of events once again prove how I love having tons on my plate. I like being busy, the feeling of being responsible for something or someone.
I just wish my dad can see that I’ve finally grown up.