The Smart Inday

If you’re from the Philippines, I’m sure one way or another you’ve read or received a forwarded SMS about Inday, that seemingly iconic and now glorified Filipina maid with that vicious, witty tongue of hers.

For those not in the know, Inday* is a common Filipino household name, usually given to maids (whose names you don’t want to keep track of), lasses from the provinces, eldest daughters, market vendors. It could also be used to call a girl/woman if you don’t know her name.

Thus, to our amusement, this new Inday surfaced out of nowhere, the brainchild of someone who must want to give the stereotype a makeover.

Inday is intelligent, overbearingly witty, sometimes highfaluting, and most of all, hilarious. Not your typical maid from the provinces.

And she has a lover, Dodong**, who is equally witty.

And they came up with a blog! YES! Read here.

I have a new guilty pleasure, I believe. 🙂

*My definition may seem derogatory to some, but this is how I know the typical Inday. I will stand corrected if anyone can offer a better definition.

**Dodong, like Inday, is a typical Filipino household name, and is equivalent to Inday’s male counterparts.

Mantra

First commandment when you’re in a relationship with me:

1. Thou shall not mess with The Bitch Goddess

Strawberry ice cream and other guilty pleasures aside, whenever somebody disappoints me and I end up hurting, I become a walking disaster. I end up doing evil, cruel, unthought-of things, and I do them secretly.

I feel remorse after a while, though. And I hate myself for that. Why should I be remorseful? I got hurt in the first place.

I just wish I had a personal butler that would remind me of my mantra that I used to preach to my girls:

Never allow anyone to hurt you without your permission.

Anyone up for it? I seriously need a loudspeaker on my ear.

Extreme Sex in the Dark

How would you like to have as many as 11 (yes, eleven) lovers as permanent sex slaves, attached you and let them produce semen at your command? Fun, eh? And it doesn’t matter if you’re butt ugly because you’re simply irresistible.

In the dark.

And you have to be this fish.

Deep Sea Angler

The Age reports on a book, KamaSEAtra: Secrets of Sex in the Sea by aquatic scientist Sheree Maris. “Desire and deception, lust and fetish, pleasure and pain – it’s all happening beneath the waves,” the book reveails.

One of her personal favourites is the Deep Sea Angler (Melanocetus johnsoni), a grotesque looking fish that lives deep in the ocean.

“The female angler isn’t the most attractive thing but she’s in the deep deep depths so it doesn’t matter,” says Marris.

To attract a male, she secretes a sweet smelling perfume that arouses him so much that he is compelled to pursue and bite onto her.

“This is some extraordinary love bite because he never lets go,” Marris says.

“He becomes fused to her and basically becomes a blob of testicles on her skin.

“She then chemically commands him to release sperm when she wants, so she’s got this permanent sex slave.

“One female brought up from the depths had 11 males attached to her, she was one lucky girl.”

Readers also will learn that the humble barnacle has the longest penis in relation to body size in the world.

“It’s stuck to a rock so it’s going to be pretty hard to meet the opposite sex,” Marris explains.”

So it has this penis that can be rolled out and just go wandering around the rockpools in search of a mate.” 

Wow. Good thing the roll-out penis is exclusive to fishes. It’s bad enough that some guys can be so boorish when asking for sex. Having a roll-out penis couldn’t be more blatant.

Relief

I have no excuse not to write anymore.

I moved to this new blog, updated and customized it to my liking.

I tried to run away from a growing and loyal audience, all because it became too stifling. How many of us have done this very same thing? Trying to avoid people we love and care about and the price to pay? Silence. 

I’m ready to talk now. Write. And frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass. 

Welcome back, Bitch Goddess.

The BitchGoddess Died!

Horror of all horrors, my iPod fucking died on me.

I was syncing it earlier and after I ejected it, I heard this click sound and it rebooted. And rebooted. And rebooted. Over and over until the battery ran out. I tried recharging it thinking I could bring it back to life and the fucking same thing happened. I read all forums on the subject, I did everything from resetting to reformatting to doing the Diagnostic test (center + left, bet you didn’t know that one :p) and I surmised that the software is doing fine, since my macbook still recognizes it and the data is still there. It’s just a matter of time before I see the sad face on the screen. I guess its a hardware/battery problem.

And I guess some of you can relate when I say, 

“WAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I’m one of those people who take their music seriously. I’m OC when it comes to my playlist, naming it from Drama Queen (to induce slow, painful tears) to Fucked Up (when I wanna do some serious headbanging). But of course, there’s my nighttime playlist, Good Night, and I dock the iPod on my Altec IM7 speakers and let it play until morning. Everyday. I guess BitchGoddess couldn’t take it anymore.

I’ve graduated from the Chill Out to Lounge music. There’s a thin line between the two, and I can’t quite describe it, but if you have a seasoned listening ear, you can pretty much distinguish them from each other. For me, lounge music brings to mind the image of yes, a lounge of some Manhattan bar (*surprise surprise*), after bar hours, waiting for my ride, itching to rid of my slinky black dress and ridiculously high Louboutins and wash up my racoon eyes. And yes, strip down.

elounge.jpg

For over a year now, I have been lulled to sleep by this playlist, the Erotic Lounge Series (1-4). Each Series has 2 CDs; Slow and Lazy/Quick and Dirty. I let the Quick and Dirty songs play first (also serves as my sex music), and the Slow and Lazy follows, just in time for some serious sleep. 

Either way, this compilation is purrrfect as mood music. Never fails to make me wet.

But that’s beside the point. How the hell am I going to sleep tonight?!