No More Drama

Almost Happy
by K’s Choice

If I could look beyond your face
And photograph your hidden place
Would I find you smiling in the picture

I don’t know what you want
Because you don’t know,
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

Far too many ways to go
We learn so much but never know
Where to look
Or when we should stop looking

I can love the whole of you.
The poetry I stole from you
And hide inside my stomach

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

It’s easy to get lost in you
And fall asleep inside of you
I want to return to you
A reason to be here
A reason to be here

No I don’t know what you want
And you don’t know
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

The Bag Lady

Men are like bags. Eye candy. I get that rush of wanting when I see a new one. I simply MUST have him it. Each one has it’s own personality, it’s own function, it’s own story. I always surprise myself at how much I’ve amassed and moan that I didn’t even get to take all of them out for a spin.

I could go crazy for a while, obsessing over that new man bag. What I really hated the most, however, was that with every acquisition, I start to build my life wardrobe around him it. All that constant fussing, the constant update; if He it could be perfect for this party I’ll be attending, or if it’s the right shade of pink that will go well this new pair of Louboutins I got online (which has been patiently waiting for its perfect match). They are useful for a while, and after a short infatuation with it, they are carefully wrapped and tucked away to my bag closet, and will patiently wait to be remembered. The bag has finally faded into obscurity.

And so, every couple of weeks or so, I unearth everything from my closet and review my bag collection. Every time I get a new one, I have to rid of an old one to make room. I can only keep just as many (or at least what my heart closet allows me to). My rule is to let go of the bag that hasn’t been used for two months. That must mean I don’t even remember having it. Nor obsess thinking the perfect outfit with it when I use it the next day. No more planning weddings outfits.

And this past few weeks, I have been purging like crazy, ridding myself of unnecessary feelings clutter. There are too many of these men bags that I kept flitting here and there but never really learned to appreciate the beauty and function of each one of them. And so, I decided on which ones to keep. It was a very long and painful process; I lovingly caressed the satin linings and examined closely the monogrammed leather, thoroughly evaluating and justifying if I should keep him it, not wanting to regret that should the right dress, heels or occasion come, he’s it’s no longer there to complete me the ensemble.

Needless to say, it hurt. I’ve invested so much on these men bags that I’m not even sure if I’m getting what they’re worth, or at least claim to be. I’ve been in a buying frenzy for the past year, only to realise that I don’t even know what I want in the first place. Some of them are so intricate and complicated pretty to look at that I didn’t even want to use it, thinking that I didn’t have the right dress or heels for it yet. In my insecurity inadequacy, they have become useless.

But it had to be done. It’s all about me now and liberating myself from the unnecessary. I’ve never really focused on what I want and what I really needed that I thought I needed every man bag that came my way. I always reasoned that I will eventually use them at some point. You know, the just-in-case’s. But it turned out to be a mere quick fix, a quick high to fill that void called emptiness closet space.

And I’ve never felt so light. All that excess baggage just had to go.

it may not always be so; and i say

it may not always be so; and i say
that if your lips, which i have loved, should touch
another’s, and your dear strong fingers clutch
her* heart, as mine in time not far away;
if on another’s face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know, or such
great writhing words as, uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;

if this should be, i say if this should be-
you of my heart, send me a little word;
that i may go unto her, and take her hands,
saying, Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face, and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.

e.e. cummings
*his

For V

ONE ART
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I chose to lose you. Until you’re ready. Goodbye, Macguy.