Anticipation

Well, hello there. It’s been what, 5 months since my last entry? I’ve been meaning to fix the look of this blog, but I can’t be bothered. I apologize for the laziness. And so it remains as I left it.

But alas, I cannot be parted from writing. It’s the only reason why I remain sane. 

So, how have YOU been?

I have been working my ass off the last couple of months, trying to be that ‘responsible’ daughter my dad never lived to see, and just basically tried to live the mundane life. 

And now, I’m terribly burned out, stalling tasks and jobs that will set me back a full month. Why it has come to this, I don’t know. I find myself waking up later than usual (it’s 11 AM now. It used to be 10 AM *yeah, yeah, I know. Try running your own company yourself, you’ll love its perks*), and instead of the usual routine of checking emails and sending replies, I head over to the couch and watch just-downloaded episodes.

A few days from now, and for the next two months, my life will be in suspended motion. The Swede lover comes to visit. Being his nth time now, I anticipate things to be more fun and in a way, serious. He may not be aware of it, but the October month marks our anniversary, and this year is our second.  We are at that phase where we have to decide…things. You know, the usual stuff that makes guys cringe. I tried avoiding the topic for the longest time knowing full well how he feels about it. Maybe we’ll talk about it, maybe not. More than anything, I want this to work. I think I deserve something stable for once, don’t you think?

I’m annoyed at myself, though. I can’t get my work mojo back! I need it back RIGHT NOW before I get distracted when he arrives next week.

Change

For the past several weeks, I’ve been working my ass off.

A big change, really. I suddenly found myself having three jobs, one different from the other, a combination of the things I am passionate about. If I focused on one job alone, I’d definitely be bored; I would need to do other things. The great thing about it is that I get paid to do what I like.

Since Dad died, I was overwhelmed with a state of loss, listlessness, of wandering. I needed to do something, to make myself occupied. I now realize why people throw themselves at the mercy of their craft. I never really understood that bit, until now.

And it has been a refreshing change.

For once, it dawned on me that I am finally in control of my life.