Author Archives: The Bitch Goddess

So, What’s Your Thing?

I had this conversation with a Greek guy friend, S, some time ago. And I think it helped me define who I am, what I want, or how raunchy (or not) I can be.

S: Have you had sex in public places? 

TBG: Erm, I’m not much of an exhibitionist, I think. Inside a car, probably. What about you?

S: Well, I had once, in the comfort room of a coffee shop.

TBG: Oh, that’s not so public. I mean, you’re still behind closed doors. If that’s the definition you go by, then yes, I’ve done it in a bar’s VIP CR a couple of times. But it’s not my thing, I guess.

S: Yeah? So what’s your thing then? Tell me.

TBG: Weeelllll, I believe in privacy. Doing it behind closed doors no matter how cramped. It’s your chance to connect with another person, nevermind that s/he’s just a one night stand. It gets distracting if you are mindful of getting caught or of people passing by. You lose your chance of making sex good for each other.

S: I had sex along the stairs of our apartment. It was exciting.

TBG: I guess it works for you. I mean, I understand the whole excitement bit, but I’m more concerned of making it really good. And I hate having to hurry because of fear of getting caught. I like to take my time. I like to tease. I love to talk and build up the anticipation. Talking and tracing my fingers across his body. Caressing. Mindfuck.

S: Is it worth it? What if the need is unbearable and you have to do it right then and there and it doesn’t matter where you are? Isn’t that exciting?

TBG: Well, you might as well be dogs.

So, what’s your thing?

The Pussy Search

I’ve been observing my stats for the last couple of weeks, curious on what kind of readers land on my site (apart from my loyal readers from my old blog, of course).

WordPress has this integrated Tag Surfer feature (exclusive to WordPress.com hosted blogs) which drove tons of readers to this site who used the “sex” tag.

So, the Tag Surfer feature + word search equals:
(and this has been on my dashboard consistently ever since I moved to WordPress)

screenshot

Interesting.

I muse over the fact there are indeed millions of people out there who are really in dire need of cunnilingus education.

I guess I should write more on the topic soon.

The Smart Inday

If you’re from the Philippines, I’m sure one way or another you’ve read or received a forwarded SMS about Inday, that seemingly iconic and now glorified Filipina maid with that vicious, witty tongue of hers.

For those not in the know, Inday* is a common Filipino household name, usually given to maids (whose names you don’t want to keep track of), lasses from the provinces, eldest daughters, market vendors. It could also be used to call a girl/woman if you don’t know her name.

Thus, to our amusement, this new Inday surfaced out of nowhere, the brainchild of someone who must want to give the stereotype a makeover.

Inday is intelligent, overbearingly witty, sometimes highfaluting, and most of all, hilarious. Not your typical maid from the provinces.

And she has a lover, Dodong**, who is equally witty.

And they came up with a blog! YES! Read here.

I have a new guilty pleasure, I believe. 🙂

*My definition may seem derogatory to some, but this is how I know the typical Inday. I will stand corrected if anyone can offer a better definition.

**Dodong, like Inday, is a typical Filipino household name, and is equivalent to Inday’s male counterparts.

Mantra

First commandment when you’re in a relationship with me:

1. Thou shall not mess with The Bitch Goddess

Strawberry ice cream and other guilty pleasures aside, whenever somebody disappoints me and I end up hurting, I become a walking disaster. I end up doing evil, cruel, unthought-of things, and I do them secretly.

I feel remorse after a while, though. And I hate myself for that. Why should I be remorseful? I got hurt in the first place.

I just wish I had a personal butler that would remind me of my mantra that I used to preach to my girls:

Never allow anyone to hurt you without your permission.

Anyone up for it? I seriously need a loudspeaker on my ear.

Extreme Sex in the Dark

How would you like to have as many as 11 (yes, eleven) lovers as permanent sex slaves, attached you and let them produce semen at your command? Fun, eh? And it doesn’t matter if you’re butt ugly because you’re simply irresistible.

In the dark.

And you have to be this fish.

Deep Sea Angler

The Age reports on a book, KamaSEAtra: Secrets of Sex in the Sea by aquatic scientist Sheree Maris. “Desire and deception, lust and fetish, pleasure and pain – it’s all happening beneath the waves,” the book reveails.

One of her personal favourites is the Deep Sea Angler (Melanocetus johnsoni), a grotesque looking fish that lives deep in the ocean.

“The female angler isn’t the most attractive thing but she’s in the deep deep depths so it doesn’t matter,” says Marris.

To attract a male, she secretes a sweet smelling perfume that arouses him so much that he is compelled to pursue and bite onto her.

“This is some extraordinary love bite because he never lets go,” Marris says.

“He becomes fused to her and basically becomes a blob of testicles on her skin.

“She then chemically commands him to release sperm when she wants, so she’s got this permanent sex slave.

“One female brought up from the depths had 11 males attached to her, she was one lucky girl.”

Readers also will learn that the humble barnacle has the longest penis in relation to body size in the world.

“It’s stuck to a rock so it’s going to be pretty hard to meet the opposite sex,” Marris explains.”

So it has this penis that can be rolled out and just go wandering around the rockpools in search of a mate.” 

Wow. Good thing the roll-out penis is exclusive to fishes. It’s bad enough that some guys can be so boorish when asking for sex. Having a roll-out penis couldn’t be more blatant.